Project:
Getting
Kitty to brush his teeth
Ok, now, if you're like me, you are a complete fucking maniac when it comes to cleanliness! Kitties often times skip things that we upper mammals take for granted, like the ability to brush one's teeth. Sure, you've tried the cat treats with the tarter control, you've even attempted to break out your girlfriend's toothbrush(when she's not around) and brush that little bastard's mouth of razors. Nothing seems to work, kitty just doesn't want to cooperate. Well, I for one do not like it when kitty sinks his filthy teeth into my skin, so I have come up with sure fire way to get kitty to brush up!
Jack one of your girlfriend's favorite pairs of socks. Note: To avoid any conflict, do this when she is not around then blatantly lie when she asks if you've seen them...
Jack your girlfriend's tube of toothpaste, don't use yours(it takes a lot of paste to fill a sock, you don't want to use yours for something like this). I have found that nine out of ten kitties seem to prefer the taste of Crest...
Fill the sock with toothpaste. Try to get as much as you possibly can in there!
Step
Four:
Find
kitty! He is most likely sleeping someplace...that lazy bastard never
seems to do anything productive...
Slap kitty in the face with the sock until he gets good and mad. Then, when he lunges out at you, let him bite into the sock full of toothpaste! Sweet! See, now he's chewing on the sock, brushing those toothies!
Kitty may get a bit upset that he's been tricked into biting into a sock full of toothpaste, be sure to plan for repercussions! Ouch! At least while he's biting you, you will have a small sense of relief knowing those teeth are clean...
